The Wahington Monument is Evil

It has taken some time for me to work up the courage to write this post. It's been over a month since I've returned from my first visit to Washington DC. I went for the Computers in Libraries conference in Arlington. I arrived the weekend before the conference to enjoy a vacation with my wife.

I admit that I have an irrational fear of flying, so I was in a rare anxious mood when we arrived in DC. As we flew in, I heard fellow passengers gasp in amazement as we landed, because they could see the landmarks of DC. In particular, the Washington Monument announces that you are in DC much like the Eiffel Tower is for Paris, or the Statue of Liberty for New York. But I had to keep my window closed. I refused to see the Washington Monument. I thought it would be better to se it from the ground, in due time. Actually, anything would be better from the ground.

But maybe I was wrong about DC. Our luggage magically appeared at the baggage claim just as we walked into the baggage claim area. Then right when we found the hotel shuttle area, our shuttle arrived immediately. Within twenty minutes of landing, we were in our hotel. I felt like DC was welcoming us with open arms.

We decided to see the obligatory monuments in order to take advantage of the good weather. The cherry blossoms were in bloom and they were beautiful. But it was spring break, so large groups of high school kids swarmed the monuments like plagues of cicadas.

We approached the Washington Monument and I snapped a photo in eager anticipation of realizing its full glory up close. But as we drew closer, I found it menacing. By the time we reached it, I couldn't even look at it. A strange form of agoraphobia took hold. It was incredibly tall and there was nothing but open sky around it. Where were the trees? I needed a roof, something to keep me from being sucked into the sky. Other tourists would go up to its base and look up, in order to feel that strange feeling of falling off a cliff. I was on the verge of panic as I approached its base. What was happening?

As we walked away from it and toward the Lincoln Memorial, my anxiety waned. Under the din of jets taking off from the airport, I was able to take in the surroundings. I thought that maybe it was a temporary freak-out and I took some pictures of the Washington Monument from the Lincoln Memorial and later from the Tidal Basin.

Then as we walked toward the White House as night descended, I found our path crossed the base of the monument again. And as we approached, I felt like a heavy potato sack was on the shoulder that faced the monument. I couldn't look at it again! I felt like a humble hobbit approaching the gates of Mordor (how nerdy is that analogy?).

At the White House I realized that the Washington Monument was indeed evil. It looked over the White House with its red eyes. What of the Illuminati? The Skull and Bones?

Suddenly I didn't feel so bad, because the Washington Monument is indeed evil. But later when I looked at my camera and saw what pictures I took, I realized that I took more photos of the Washington Monument than anything else, including my wife. What's up with that?

I feel better now that I'm nowhere near it. Maybe that explains what happens to politicians when they arrive in DC.