Artie Bucco Pizza

Normally when it comes to frozen pizza, me and the old lady go for Red Baron Classic Cheese. I usually wait for it to go on sale then I buy a bunch of them all at once. But this time, Artie Bucco frozen pizza was on sale and since it was normally priced a bit more than the Red Baron, I thought I must be getting a better deal. Plus, a generous pinch of basil was pictured on the box and I guess I'm a sucker for herbs.

Artie Bucco is the wining wimp of a restaurant owner from The Sopranos. That should have tipped me off.

First of all, to heat it, one must first cook it in the oven, then take it out and set it under the broiler. Cooking anything under my broiler is like a tense affair, like a mafia torture session back in the boiler room. What a hassle! I already missed the Baron and how once you hit cruising altitude with him, you could "set it and forget it".

Anyway, the pizza came out with a lot of liquid setting on top of it. Whenever I cut it, the liquid ran to the crust and sogged it up. I thought the sauce was okay, but my old lady found it much too sweet--probably all that sweet basil or the high fructose corn syrup.

So Artie's pizza is just like his character, with all his crying, blabbering, sniveling self sogging everything up, while his syrupy, saccharine nature turns off the ladies.

Never again will I trust my frozen entrees to fictional characters. I'm sticking to the Red Baron, who is most famously known as Snoopy's nemesis in the Peanuts comic.

Posted by Mike Waugh at February 12, 2004 10:35 PM